Art Historian and writer Aanchal Malhotra, in her book ‘Remnants of a Separation’ writes about a unique friendship between Mustafa Haider Naqvi and Ram Dutt who both lived in the town of Patiala, in undivided India in the 1940s.
Whilst fleeing Patiala in haste during the partition of the land, Mustafa left behind all his family jewels and other valuables with his friend Ram with an understanding that he would collect them if the Naqvis managed to survive. If they didn't, the jewels would belong to Ram as a symbol of their friendship. Destiny unfolded kindly as Mustafa and his family settled down in Lahore whilst Ram safeguarded their valuables and handed them back at a later date providing Mustafa the means to survive in a new place with no other resource.
The partition of India is remembered to date as a time of violence, bloodshed, and mistrust between the two sides and stories like those of Mustafa and Ram make one wonder -
What makes friendship rise above the horrors of the world around us and hold people together when the world around them is crashing down?
Over the ages, poets, storytellers and even philosophers have written about this unconditional bonding that we call friendship. Greek philosopher Eupicurus in his philosophy around happiness put friendship ahead of all precious things in the world and went on to live his life in a commune shared with his friends.
“Of all the means which are procured by wisdom to ensure happiness throughout the whole of life, by far the most important is the acquisition of friends.”
- Eupicurus
Indian folklore is replete with examples of deep friendships that crossed boundaries of social and economic status such as that between Lord Krishna, the king of Dwarka and his childhood friend, a poverty stricken Sudama. The spiritual journey of Guru Nanak, the founder of Sikhism, includes his childhood friend Mardana, a muslim village bard, who joined Nanak on his quest to discover the divine path and also acted as his first disciple.
In recent times, ‘The Book Thief’, a moving novel by Markus Zusak, based on true events in Germany during WW2, includes instances where Germans hid their Jewish friends in their basements, reminding us of how the sacred bond of friendship rises above all else in times marked by extreme cruelty.
So, what is it that makes the ties of friendship rise above the fragility, complexity and transience of other relationships?
Amongst the relationships that define us, friendship is perhaps the only ones we truly choose. While family and relatives are inherited at birth, and colleagues, seniors, and acquaintances often weigh us down, friendship sets us free. In the company of a friend, one can experience warmth and a sense of ease that allows us to let go of all formalities, inhibitions and worries. Friendships allow us to open one's heart and share what we truly feel, and above all, just be ourselves. True friends can separate and reunite with ease and literally catch up a conversation mid-sentence as though time has ceased to lapse between two meetings however far apart.
However, this ease that our friendships afford us also often make us take them for granted. Differences of opinions, political leanings, fake news and misinterpretation of data are today the cause of deep fissures in friendships that have been nurtured over decades. Today, parts of West Asia and Ukraine are facing war, US has just witnessed a heated election, and parts of India are readying up for one. As tempers run high and patience low, one careless comment, one share or like on social media platforms, can often mark the beginning of the end of a friendship.
At times like this it is important to remember that friendships are precious; too precious to sacrifice at the altar of media and politics.
With conscious effort and restraint, can we allow our friendships to outlast political regimes, wars and unrest? As we face an environment of doubt, judgement and fear, can we strive to see through the vile intentions of divisive news media and selfish political agendas? Instead, can we look back in history, and remember the numerous stories of friendships that have survived war and separation, hatred and division, violence and genocide?
Today, can we text, call up, or meet that one friend who matters to us?
“It has been said that life has treated me harshly; and sometimes I have complained in my heart because many pleasures of human experience have been withheld from me, but when I recollect the treasure of friendship that has been bestowed on me, I withdraw all my charges towards life. If much has been denied to me, much, very much, has been given to me. So long as the memory of certain beloved friends lives in my heart, I shall say that life is good.”
-Hellen Keller
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I also love love the subtitle..hearts...
wonderful read it is so important to connect with others!!!